I’m not really sure what to share and it all feels a bit disjointed but here is my heart for you this week……….. snippets of yet another roller coaster week….
Tuesday last week this was part of my day:
I had a 20 min screaming session as I drove from town….I was so fed up with the constant unending challenges…. I came home and had a prayer session that got LOUD….
Utterly exhausted I went to the beach to try and get some clarity and calm. As I sat there I was challenged to still my racing thoughts (and heart) and worship….
“Worship is an acknowledgement of God’s worth. Whether we are in the biggest loss of our life or the biggest victory, our response remains the same because His worth never changes.” Bill Johnson
I listened to worship music and wrote:
I sit by the water
I drink of You
I absorb Your life-giving water into my entire being
I rest in Your presence
I soak You in
I ignite Your freedom into my heart
I sing of Your love
I sing of Your grace
I sing of Your majesty
I sing of Your glory
Shine Your love on me
Send Your cleansing grace
Clothe me in Your majesty
Let me shine Your glory Lord
Sunday morning I was awake early and after a bit of a wrestle I finally made my way upstairs, reminding myself about being obedient. As I pushed myself up the stairs I thought how cool it would be to hear a kookaburra. As my foot hit the top stair I heard a familiar sound – the kookaburra singing loudly. I raced outside to try and capture it. As I stood on my deck hearing him laugh away I was reminded that in the midst of my storm I can laugh because if I have my eyes fixed on Jesus I’m assured victory!
1 Corinthians 15:57 “…thanks be to God, who gives us the victory [as conquerors] through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Amplified
I am promised to be able to laugh at my future (Proverbs 31) because I’m clothed in strength and dignity and God has a good and perfect plan for my life:
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” New Living Translation
Then Tuesday this week was my teary day….right from the moment I awoke I felt fragile…..as I started to think about stuff I felt as if I was suffocating… I went into the study, played music and wrote:
Lord Please Revive Me
Lord my heart is heavy
Please lift it
My eyes leak with grief
Please catch each one
My worries race towards me like a thousand strong army
Lord please do not leave me to be consumed by them!
Lord this load is too heavy to carry
Please take it
I empty myself
Please come fill me
Lord I need Your words of truth and life to revive me
As I return to the kitchen my daily devotion verse is: “For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.” Psalms 32:7 NLT
I grabbed my phone to look up the verse and continued to read: “……..unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!” Psalms 32:10b-11 NLT
The day was filled with constant moments of me fighting back tears, allowing them to leak or sobbing huge body racking tears!
After tea we watch a movie on Netflix called “Born To Win” based on the true heartbreaking story of Leon Terblanche who asked over and over again “Where is God?”.
As I watch it I feel as if a balm was being placed over my hurting, doubting, fainting, weak and tired heart. In a place of despair a friend of Leon’s comes up to him and recites Isaiah 40: “Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:26-31 NLT
I cry out afresh to God to answer my pleas for mercy and bring the promised breakthrough!
I hang on for dear life to the One who is faithful to bring shalom to my chaos!!!
Wednesday (yesterday) I’m encouraged to read this verse: “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 NLT
Lord let me feel Your amazing grace surrounding me – the empowerment to overcome!!
Lord I ask that joy would spring forth in my heart so that I can be a person of peace in the midst of this chaos!
WARNING!!!! Grab the tissues for this one: Hillsong United – Desert Song (the behind story) YouTube Clip