Blog

Trust The Process

As you’ve probably guessed by now I’m going through an intense process. I’m feeling pretty vulnerable and overwhelmed a lot of the time. This week I felt as if I’d hit yet another nasty bump in the road and I even doubted being able to write this. It felt as if the stumble turned into me hitting my head on the roadblock and I was ‘down for the count’ wondering if I had the strength to get back up again!

Every time I think I’m over the worst I have another bad day. Every time I think I can’t deal with this I’m forced to deal with more! Tuesday I pushed myself to make tea so that I could try to bless my family with food, but the effort left me utterly spent and unable to talk as I feared I would simply collapse into a bubbling mess. I felt like such a failure.

9 days ago I reflected upon the Israelites in the desert, in Psalm 78:13-16 it details what God did for His people: He released them from slavery and oppression; He parted the Red Sea; He fed them with manna straight from Heaven (“It was white like coriander seed, and it tasted like honey wafers.” Exodus‬ ‭16:31‬b NLT‬‬); they followed a cloud of glory during the day and a pillar of fire at night; when there was no water God split open rocks which then became gushing springs; they were walking towards the Promise Land – a land flowing with glorious abundance.

Think about it! Really think about it. How wonderful would it be to have a cloud guiding you forward! How incredible would a pillar of fire be!

BUT despite all of these amazing things, the things that we desperately long to see, the people kept sinning. Even though signs and wonders were happening all around them they were still refusing to trust! (Psalm 78:32). 

As I pondered on that I was left wondering how that could possibly be. I think I know somewhat of what they were feeling. I think I’m there now.

I think it’s the fact that they wanted the promise land but they didn’t want the journey. Like me I want restoration and I want the future to unfold and when do I want it? NOW! I don’t want to wait, I don’t want the pain, I don’t want to have to uncover all my deep hurts, I don’t want to have to spend hour after hour on the computer writing and trying to make sense out of my 2342 drafts! But I need to wait, for God is doing a HUGE work that takes time! I need to allow God to deal with the stuff from my past so that I no longer carry it around. I need to write because I need to be a good steward with the words God has entrusted me with!

Desiring signs and wonders along with miracles is not a bad thing, we are encouraged by God to look for them, but it becomes dangerous ground when we say we desire them more than God and even more dangerous when we say something like “well if I don’t get a sign and wonder then I’ll just give up on God.”. That kind of thinking would grieve His heart. It would be like you saying to someone you love ‘I’ll only stay in relationship with you if you do this…..’. What you’re saying is: I no longer love you for who you are, I only love you for what you can do for me.

It hurts to write this because I’ve been that kinda person, I sought healing over a relationship. I started to race ahead in Ministry before being trained.

I realise now that my relationship with God is far more important than seeing His signs and wonders.

What do I want right now more than anything? Do I want God or what He can do for me? What if signs and wonders never come, does that change God? What if they do come but I’m so distracted I miss them? What if they do come but I’m not prepared to receive?

I believe God can and will do amazing things in my life but I need to focus on my relationship with Him so that I’m positioned to receive. I don’t want to be in the wrong place and miss it.

“Sometimes God gives us what we think we don’t want. Often He allows things to happen that we didn’t plan for and we may feel as if we’re missing out on the life we wanted. But God has made it clear that He’s given us everything we need and more to live out the life that He has for us. He is writing a story that is better than one we could imagine for ourselves, and our part is simply choosing to trust Him with the next thing.” Chrystal Evans Hurst

This week yet again it’s been hard for me to trust the process. The immediate circumstances have drowned out the big picture stuff. As I got bogged down in the now the soon seemed too far away and way too difficult to achieve!

But guess what? God has strengthened me to write, where I felt there was no way He made a way!

So I pray that this encourages you to trust the process, to know that God has begun a great work in your life that will continue until the day when Christ Jesus returns – Philippians 1:6.

Many blessings, Keona

Note: The full story of deliverance can be found in Exodus 13 and their journey is detailed through the next few chapters.

Pixabay picture link

Unstoppable God – Elevation Worship – YouTube clip

 

Advertisements

Creative Expression 

I’ve been working on 3 creative expression pieces in an attempt to convey my recent illness and restoration season.

barren tree

 

This piece is to try and express how I was feeling but what was actually going on.

I felt like the barren tree but God was doing a deep work in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

grace love mercy hope

 

 

God’s love, mercy, grace and hope is restoring me!
me face towards God

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the left hand corner is my silhouette with my face turned upwards towards God. As I press into Him, Jesus’ blood washes over me again and again in waves of love, mercy, grace and peace. As I’m filled with more of Him hope arises in my heart. I am transformed from my previous shell of an existence to a person who is vibrant.

 

 

Now I know that I’m no artist but this has been a fun and therapeutic journey.

Here’s a psalm that I was reminded of this week which expresses my journey:
O Lord, my healing God, I cried out for a miracle as I desperately needed help! Oh how can I possibly praise You? For You heard my cry for help and You healed me! You brought me back from the brink of utter despair and death. I was held firmly within the grasp of overwhelming pain, sorrow and hopelessness. Even though it felt like it many times, You did not abandon me. Now here I am, alive and well, being fully restored and made whole! (Inspired by Psalm 30:2-3‬, the NLT, AMP & TPT versions)

I’d encourage you to try something creative this week, it can be as simple as going to the beach and drawing in the sand. Whatever it is enjoy it!

Many blessings, Keona xx

‘Stand In Awe’ – Phil Wickham – YouTube video

The Cards Life Deals You

I’ve been very fortunate to have a family that has invested in me. Many holidays and weekends were spent growing up in the central highlands of Tasmania. Here in our gorgeous cosy shack we would spend endless hours playing cards. My grandparents were patient teachers who loved playing non-stop!

I look back on those moments and cherish them deeply.

My daughter and I have recently been playing cards on a weekly basis and it’s been so much fun! I’m loving it. It transports me back to those times at the shack. It makes me smile that I’m passing down that love of card playing. It makes me laugh at how competitive she is – she definitely has the Stephens’ blood in her veins (just to explain that’s my maiden name). We were out playing recently and an elderly gentleman commented that I must be Sarah’s sister (my 15-year-old daughter) as I was being so immature. Maybe so that I wouldn’t be offended he went on to comment that all people seem to be so immature these days. My daughter and I laughed long and hard for days afterwards. Should I be offended? Maybe but I choose not to be! I am so grateful that I can laugh, joke and muck around with my family. I am so grateful that God has given me a new ‘lease on life’. That the old miserable, sick, unable-to-do-much-at-all person is slowly fading into my past.

As I reflect on all the cards games I’ve played in my life I’ve noticed that there are many similarities to my ‘wilderness’ season. Sickness is definitely like a bad hand of cards and many times I wanted to just fold! How nice would it have been to just ask for another hand and have it all disappear in an instant! My healing brought many dramatic and instant changes to my life but I’m still a long way from 100%. At first I believed that maybe I didn’t have enough faith to be completely healed and so I questioned what was happening. But after some searching and researching I began to receive a real sense of peace. I believe that I am right where I need to be. I believe that God is doing a great and complete work in my life and there is NO need to rush it.

There is a wonderful promise that I cling to in Philippians 1:6 “…I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

I’m so grateful that God promises to continually keep working in my life.  I cried out and found the ‘ace’ to be able to change the course of my ‘card game’ because Jesus is the greatest ‘trump card’ I’ll ever find!. Although I’m not there yet I can cling to and continue to know restoration IS taking place. The promises yet to be fulfilled are coming.

“It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.” Randy Pausch

So I pray that I will play the hand that God is giving me with all the grace, wisdom and strength I need.

“…enduring faith and preserving prayers shape the life of the pray-ers until we are formed into the kind of vessel that wouldn’t be destroyed by the answer. ..persistence in prayer shapes us and matures us to receive what God has for us.” Bill Johnson

If you’re struggling with issues right now I pray that you can find the strength to pour it all out to God, for I know He is ready and waiting.

Many blessings, Keona

‘Peace Be Still’ by The Belonging Co feat Lauren Daigle with lyrics YouTube video

Powerful Effective Daily Reminders

As I’ve pushed into God for my healing to manifest, I’ve desperately sought for restoration and transformation. During those months, I found so many things that encourage me but the 4 things that have dramatically been effective are:

Powerful Protection 

I pray Ephesians 6:10-18 over myself each day. I am strong in the Lord when I proudly wear the armour of God:

  • Helmet of salvation – thank you Lord for the precious gift of salvation! Jesus dress me in your thoughts, grant me the ability to capture my thoughts and allow you Lord to dispel the wrong thoughts. Open my eyes to see what you want me to see, open my ears to hear what you want me to hear and place a guard upon my tongue so that only words of truth and life spring forth.
  • Breastplate of righteousness – because of Jesus’ great sacrifice I have been made right with God. This breastplate protects my willing, courageous and bold heart! God create a new heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalm 51). Help me to have a tender responsive heart, full of Your compassion and grace (Ezekiel 11:19).
  • Belt of truth – thank you Lord for Your perfect truth in my life. Seep Your glorious promises deep into every fibre of my being!
  • Shoes of peace – which come from the Good News and enables me to be fully prepared. Flood me with a peace that transcends my own understanding and guards my heart and mind (Philippians 4:6-7). I absorb God’s peace into every cell of my body.
  • Shield of faith – I praise you Lord that you enable me to quench every fiery arrow from the enemy. Grant me discernment like never before to enter into the spiritual battle around me.
  • Sword of the Spirit – thank you God for Your living active word! Lord I ask that You enable me to wield Your words wisely.

With this armour on I can pray unceasingly in all situations and God strengthens me to keep fighting the good fight!

I ask God to surround me with His comfort and protection. I pray that God’s light will shine bright in me.

I ask for great wisdom to reveal God’s peace in confusing conversations and situations. I declare that I am a glorious masterpiece: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 NLT. I pray that I will allow God to flow through me.

Alignment Through Identity

When I embrace the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made I can discover how God has created me and for what purpose. I love this version of Psalm 139:

“Lord, you know everything there is to know about me. You’ve examined my innermost being with your loving gaze. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. You are so intimately aware of me, Lord, you read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take, before my journey even begins! You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a Father’s blessing to me. This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible! Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength.” Psalm 139:1-6 The Passion Translation

4 daily reminders to declare:

  1. I am fearfully and wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14
  2. No longer do I live but Christ lives in me – Galatians 2:20
  3. The very same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead resides in me which gives me life – Romans 8:11
  4. Nothing can ever separate me from the love of God – Romans 8:38-39

I need to declare these even when I doubt with every fibre of my being; even when the situation feels as if I’m distant from God; for when I’m weak and failing is when I need to declare these truths – and declare them loudly!. I believe that God’s truth is important to declare each and every day.

When you speak out of your identity in Me, the surging power of My Spirit will lift you high and you will soar above the pain of the moment and the pressure of the test. I am your true Identity. Find your pleasure in My and I will pour My power into you. An extract from        ‘I hear Him whisper…I am your identity’ by The Passion Translation

Transformation By The Word of God

Sometimes it takes me reading a verse over and over for months and months before it comes alive but when it does it is life altering! One of my favourite at the moment:

⁷God’s Word is perfect in every way, how it revives my soul! His laws lead me to truth, and His ways make me wise! ⁸His teachings make me joyful and I radiate His light, His precepts are so pure! His commands, how they challenge me to keep close to His heart! The revelation-light of His Word makes my spirit shine radiant! ¹ᴼThe rarest treasures of life are found in His truth. That’s why I prize God’s Word like others prize the finest gold. Nothing brings the soul such sweetness as seeking His living words. Psalm 19:7-8 & 10 The Passion Translation paraphrased

When God’s Word becomes first place in your life, there isn’t a problem you’re facing that can’t be solved by faith. Faith is the victory that overcomes the world. There is no weapon formed against you that can prosper (Isaiah 54:17) when you are believing God. You plus God makes a majority. Andrew Wommack

Reckless Worship 

My previous understanding about worship was that I had to be in a place where life felt good so that I could worship.

But I’ve been challenged to worship in the midst of horrendous moments. I didn’t understand at first why or how that would make a difference but I’ve seen how impacting it is! It certainly hasn’t been easy but I know that when I’m feeling low is when I need to sing louder. When I choose to worship God in the terrible/horrible/painful times I’m inviting Him into those moments and He breaks the oppression. I may need to sing songs such as ‘The Desert’ or ‘Even When It Hurts’ – songs that acknowledge it’s tough but also that God is good.

I’ve seen the evidence of how effective worship-despite-the-horror-around-me is!

When your spirit is pressed beyond measure so that you can hardly breathe, pray if you are able to, and praise when you’re not able to pray. Watchman Nee

I read Acts 16 – the story of Paul and Silas who had been beaten and thrown in prison. Around midnight they began to pray and sing hymns to God. Their situation was miserable but they chose to worship God in that terrible place! Why? Because they knew that God is good ALL the time! Their praise stirred God’s heart to such a point that a massive earthquake occurred and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off!

As I read this a great desire grew within me – I asked that God would arise within me such a heart of worship! That the Lord would shake all the foundations within me that are false, because God is the rock upon which I stand.

Worship breaks the ‘woe is me’ cycle in my life.

I lift my eyes to God and acknowledge that He is good, faithful and with me – despite every fibre of my body screaming something different and the situation surrounding me trying to suffocate me!

As I worship I’m reminded that God is Immanuel – with me in all things!

As I worship I take my eyes off the things that are stressing me out and fix my eyes on Jesus – the one who has the victory!

As I worship I invite the Holy Spirit to commune with me, to move through me and take each and every burden!

As I worship I remind myself that God is good, faithful, true and full of grace.

As I worship I’m once again filled with awe and wonder.

As I worship God’s majesty reigns and I am forever changed!

As I worship I choose to allow gratitude to change my attitude.

Become aware of Him. Turn your attention from every other nagging situation, and just focus on the One who loves you most. It will change your perspective on everything. #noagenda #justadoration #Godisgood Bill Johnson

When I worship I press in for the Spirit of the Lord to come and rest on me afresh. I desire for God to fill me with the Spirit of wisdom and understanding; the Spirit of counsel and strength; the Spirit of knowledge, reverence, obedience and fear of the Lord. To take delight in the fear of the Lord, for then I will no longer judge what’s happening around me by what my eyes see, or make decisions by what my ears hear. As promised in Isaiah 11:2-3

Faith has its anchor in the unseen realm. It lives from the invisible toward the visible. Faith actualizes what it realizes. The Scriptures contrast the life of faith with the limitations of natural sight. Faith provides eyes for the heart. Bill Johnson see full devotion at 1Soul1Nation.

God I present my case to You,
I lay all my burdens and my dreams at Your feet.
God I believe You are a miracle working God.
You perform great and mighty things that are simply too marvellous to understand.
The great I AM performs countless miracles.
inspired by Job 5:8-9

I pray that this has encouraged and inspired you.

Blessings, Keona

Desert Song – Hillsong Worship – YouTube clip with lyrics

Even When It Hurts – Hillsong UNITED – YouTube lyrics video

Come To The River – Housefires – YouTube lyrics video

Majesty – Michael W. Smith – YouTube lyrics video

What A Beautiful Name – Hillsong – YouTube lyrics video

I Exalt Thee – Jesus Culture – YouTube lyrics video

Spirit Of The Living God – Vertical Church Band – YouTube lyrics video

 

Lord Hear My Cry

The Psalms have been such a source of comfort for me. So many times I have felt overwhelmed and consumed by grief. One rough day I poured my heart out to God and here it is:

I feel like a candle spluttering to stay alight
Lord I desperately want to shine like a beacon of hope
Lord I need You to light my heart
Lord I need You to reignite my spirit
Lord I need You to clarify my mind
Lord I need You
Lord I need You desperately

Who else can I possibly turn to?
No human heart can understand
My own heart cannot contain this anguish

The grief and the sorrow gnaw at my bones
Lord I’m so desperate
I need to hear Your voice
I need to know You’re here

My heart beats faintly in hope, but the pain suffocates each beat

Lord who else can I trust but You?!

You’ve promised to be my tower of strength

You’ve promised to be my safe refuge

You’ve promised me…….

You’ve promised me…….

You’ve promised…….

Your Word declares that You’re faithful, steadfast and true

So come now and quickly rescue me!

Lord I fear I will lay wasted on the battleground

Lord I fear that I’ve cried out in vain

Lord I fear

I fear

I fear

But You’ve promised that Your perfect love will drive out ALL fear

But You’ve promised me that if I resist the devil he will flee

What more can I say?

What more can I do?

What more is there to face?

Lord You’ve promised to cast out ALL loneliness so why do I feel so alone?

Lord You’ve promised me…….

You’ve promised…….

You’ve promised me so many things and I dare to believe that they are true

I refuse to accept that Your promises are false!

Lord You’ve said You would shelter me with Your wings

Lord my faith is weak but You’ve promised that even the smallest amount of faith can move mountains

So Lord move my mountain and cast it into the sea!

Lord restore to me Your joy

Lord restore to me Your favour

Lord restore to me health

Lord restore to me my precious inheritance

Lord will You hear my cries for mercy?

Lord will You run right now to catch me?

Lord I’m so broken, can You mend me?

Lord I’m so empty, can You fill me?

Lord this wasteland is simply too harsh

Lord this winter season is simply too barren

Lord why do I see springs of promises to have them snatched from my grasp?

Lord why do I feel like this?

Is there something I have not repented of? Then I am sorry

Lord is there some part of my heart that I have held back from You? Here it is take it all – it’s weak and failing me!

Lord I offer up to You now my broken heart, please come and mend it
I offer to You my failing spirit, please come and revive it
I offer my racing mind, please come still it and fill it with Your thoughts!

I cannot see what else there is to offer You!

But yet my heart beats only for You

But yet my lungs thirst only for Your life-giving breath

But yet my bones stir only to receive Your marrow

But yet my eyes lift to the heavens

But yet my hand still moves to pour it out to You

But yet my voice cries for mercy from the only One who can possibly help!

Human compassion dries up, but You promise to never run dry

Human understanding ceases, but You promise me that tomorrow the sun will rise and I will see Your mercy and loving-kindness afresh

Human love is flawed, but You promise to be a father of endless compassion, unfailing mercy and unconditional love!

You promise me Your ways are just and true!

So soak me now in Your mercy and grace

Pour afresh over me Your unfailing love deep into my heart

Breathe into my lungs Your breath of life

Give me a new song

Give me new words of love

Give me new words of life and truth

May You fill my body with life

May You transform me

Come wipe my tears and kiss my forehead

Come take my hand and lift me up

Come swiftly my Mighty Conqueror

Lord it’s not by my might or my power for I have no strength or authority
My authority rests in Christ alone
God it is only through Your mighty strength and Your Holy Spirit that it can be done
So Lord hear my cry
Lord move
Holy Spirit please come afresh

So why would I fear the future?
For I’m being pursued only by Your goodness, beauty, mercy and unfailing love!
I shall dwell forever, throughout all my days, in the house of God and in the glorious presence of the LORD.
Psalm 23:6 AMP, MSG & TPT paraphrased

Lord Hear My Cry June 2017 YouTube clip

Pour Out My Heart (Vineyard) – with Lyrics – YouTube clip

YouTube playlist I created – surrendering burdens to God

Picture from Pixabay

I had created an older version of this but somehow I deleted it – whoops!

A New Kinda Dangerous

When I first learnt to drive I was pretty dangerous. One of my funniest memories is me being stuck on top of a traffic island wondering 2 things: how did I possibly manage that and how do I get off? As the cars drove past me and the people inside laughed I felt so embarrassed. My level-headed sister kindly suggested I could simply drive off, when safe, and continue. I drove off and parked the car as I refused to drive any further. A few professional lessons later I was more confident and THANKFULLY a safer driver.

In 2008 I was fortunate to go on my first overseas trip. My husband had a conference to attend in New Zealand and I decided he simply couldn’t go on his own. For 10 glorious days I enjoyed the beautiful South Island. For the first few days we were in Christchurch and while hubby attended workshops I spent the days exploring, shopping or relaxing. I even managed to complete a 3-hour horse trek which was stunning. Hubby and I stayed on after the conference and travelled south to explore and enjoy as much as we could. I has stated that when in NZ I just HAD to bungy jump. For months and months I told as many people as I could about my exciting trip and how I was going to bungy jump. I was met with loads of “oh really? Isn’t that dangerous?” as well as some “oh that sounds exciting”. My parents were looking after our kids so I’m not sure if they were very happy with us committing to dangling 400m above Queenstown on a few pieces of elastic, but bless them they didn’t protest too much! The experience was terrifying. The staff were amazing and I am glad I did it but I didn’t catch the ‘bungy bug’, I’m confident that once is enough! I may consider the sky swing again……..maybe.

As I face a new direction in life I am thinking that I want to explore a whole new kinda dangerous:

“Jesus came to make us dangerous to the kingdom of darkness. The light within us is greater than the darkness around us.” Christine Caine

How exciting will it be to become dangerous enough to deliver people from darkness!
How incredible it will be. What a privilege it will be to be living out the great commission and serving Jesus. That’s what my heart longs for now.

God has entrusted me to be a child of light, because Jesus Christ is my Saviour I am no longer held by the powers of darkness – 1 Thessalonians 5:5

I need to embrace that glorious truth and walk as a child of Light – Ephesians 5:8

“Nothing strikes as much fear into the heart of the enemy’s camp as when you close your eyes and come BOLDLY before God’s throne. When you pray, you are DANGEROUS to the DARKNESS.” Lisa Bevere

That’s the danger I’m now pursuing – a whole new kinda dangerous!

I pray that you can discover the boldness to step forth into all God has called you to.

Many blessings, Keona

This is Living – Hillsong Young & Free – YouTube Lyric Video

Crazy Faith – John Waller – YouTube Lyric Video

Trusting God Completely

I sit here in the relative quiet, in absolute surrender before God.

I wait as long as it takes for Him to finish the good work He has begun in my life.

For God alone is my Saviour, the One I love and I know He will not fail me!

God alone is my safe place and His wrap-around presence protects me, for He is my Champion Defender.

I am assured that there is no risk of failure with God! Even though worry tries to paralyse me with fear I am assured that God’s glory is all around me!

His wrap-around presence is all I need, for the Lord my Saviour is my Hero and life-giving strength. So I place every moment into His capable hands, trusting Him completely.

I know I can safely pour out all my troubles and heart-longings to Him. For I know my God will hear me and help me!

Inspired by Psalm 62:5-8 The Passion Translation

‘I Am Yours’ -Lauren Daigle- YouTube Clip with lyrics

‘Nearness’ – Jenn Johnson – YouTube link

A Redemption Story

Hey, so I’d love to share with you a bit of my story.

Sickness Plagued My Life

From birth, I suffered health problems. For the first 12 months of my life I am told that I constantly cried, I was eventually diagnosed with colic. I am also told that my sisters asked mum several times to take me back to hospital! My poor precious family. I was a ‘sickly’ child who caught every bug or sickness going around. Around the age of 12 I contracted a virus which decades later was recognised as glandular fever. Around the age of 13 I suffered horrendous difficult and painful periods. This was the start of a long, daunting and frustrating battle. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late teens with endometriosis. It was extremely difficult to treat and it took 28 years to overcome! Whilst I was battling with that I was also diagnosed with chronic fatigue and irritable bowel syndrome when I was in my 20’s.

In 2014 I was hit by a virus that GREATLY impacted me! What started out as an upper respiratory infection quickly escalated into a virus that attacked my liver; kidneys; and adrenal glands. I was eventually diagnosed with adrenal and chronic fatigue as my ability evaporated! I was physically; emotionally; spiritually and mentally downcast. Turning 40 I was the sickest I had ever been in my life! The illness shackled me severely for 28 months and my recovery is still ongoing. At the start of 2016 my abdominal issues flared up with a vengeance. I had 2 operations – the first to determine what was going on and the second to try and give me permanent relief.

How did all this feel? One difficult day I wrote the following:

Deep Pit

I am in a deep dark pit of despair
The darkness engulfs me
I fear that my grief has devoured me and I can never be repaired
The walls of my pit close in on me suffocating me
I struggle for each and every breath
A while ago I thought I saw a glimmer of light
I felt a small spark of hope ignite in my chest
But the light has disappeared and so the spark of hope snuffs
How long do I wait?
How much more pain can I endure?

Why hope?

Why dream?

Passion has evaporated
Am I forever changed?
Am I to remain like this?
Oh the agony in my body!
Oh the torment in my mind!
Oh the despair in my soul!
I want to pray but I have no words to say
All I can cry out is “help me Lord”
I want the darkness to disappear
I long to see the sunlight
To feel it’s warmth upon my face
I long to see the clouds
To feel the wind rush through my hair
My heart cries out for mercy
My body screams for rest
How much more….
How much longer…..

I had family and friends praying for me and encouraging me. BUT I felt as if God wasn’t listening, I see now He was holding me in His arms. I felt as if no one understood although I had great medical professionals surrounding me. It’s so easy to feel alone and lost but know that you’re NOT! I hope and pray you can know that during dark times in your life God is with you!

I had been pressing into God, hearing from him and receiving daily the Proverbs 31 Ministries devotions -these daily devotions spoke to my hurting heart and doubting spirit!!! But as I was unable to attend church I felt prompted to search for an event to attend in the hope of finding healing. I committed to attending the “Majestic Women” retreat, September 2016, run by Veronica Miles. I didn’t know Veronica I only knew 1 speaker and 1 friend attending. A week before the retreat Veronica sent an email asking us to come expectant as she believed “God had a specific appointment” with each of us. The week leading up I was physically really unwell! I was emotionally and spiritually downcast which left me feeling utterly defeated! I somehow got there but I arrived feeling SO self-conscious, SO defeated, SO unwell, SO emotional, SO bitter………….

Breakthrough comes!

Saturday morning at the retreat (3rd of September 2016) the speaker, Brenda, asked “who do you think you are?” and at the end she declared “God has the answers, draw close to him”. As I stood there praying I felt scared to go forth, I wanted to but I was terrified! I again felt terribly self-conscious, I was wondering if it was the right time to ask for prayer.

Then Petty spoke out about bringing the dry bones alive. I was almost knocked to the floor. That was me. I was a bunch of dry withering bones!!!! I took that ‘leap of faith’, I walked forward, I knelt and I was prayed for. The first words I heard were from Eunice and she simply said: “you are enough”, those words started the tears flowing. Something started shifting, changing, words of life were spoken over me. I was anointed in oil by my friend Sheree who declared healing over me. I felt touched.

Afterwards I had some private prayer.

Saturday night I just couldn’t sleep! So many thoughts were racing through my head.

 Healed!

I managed maybe 3 hours of sleep. 4.50am on the 4th of September 2016 (Father’s Day) I was awoken by God and he whispered: “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. You are healed.” Mark 5:34

Glory and honour to my precious Jesus! Not by my might but by His glorious power!!!!!!!

  • Daughter – reminding me of who I am!
  • Faith – celebrating that I remained in relationship with Him!
  • Peace – granting me His peace.
  • Healed – no longer doubting when, it’s right now!

I can share this with you only because of the grace of God! In August, 2016, I felt like I could never make an impact in the world!

My voice had been strangled!

My identity stolen!

I am so pleased to say and truly know that God is the Lord of miracles!

I desire for you to know Jehovah Rapha also – the Lord who heals!

Andrew Wommack makes a wonderful statement: “God has provided everything we need in this life and in the life to come – forgiveness of sins, healing, deliverance, and prosperity. Isn’t God good!”

I can identify with that statement so much! God has healed me because that what He’s in the business of doing!

Jesus came to save, to heal and to make us whole! It is truly wonderful!

“Praise God that His mercies to you are new every morning – He is continually extending Himself to you and seeking ways to bless you, guide you, and encourage you.” Charles F. Stanley

This is confirmed in Lamentations 3:21-25 where we are implored to hope and have expectation! It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His tender compassions fail not. The Lord’s loyal love never ends! God’s merciful love doesn’t dry up. The Lord is good to those who passionately wait and who diligently seek Him. It’s a good thing to quietly hope for help from Him. God’s mercy is new every morning; great and abundant is His stability and faithfulness. His tender compassions are new every morning!

Matthew 19:26 promises that with God all things are possible!

Ezekiel 13:23 I declare that God will rescue His people from the grasp of the enemy! What comes next will be a great testimony so that others will come to know the LORD.

I pray that you are encouraged by my story and can also experience healing.

MANY Blessings! Keona

Came to the Rescue – Hillsong United – YouTube clip

At The Cross – Chris Tomlin – YouTube clip

A Redemption Story part 1 – YouTube clip

A Redemption Story part 2 – YouTube clip

Come My Beloved

As I looked at this picture I heard God whisper:

‘Come out of your hiding place

Come sit by My still water of life

Come out of the shadows

Come My beloved

Come bask in the warmth of My light

Come out from the heavy blanket of grief

Come feel My love embrace you with joy

Come My beloved

Come and allow Me to heal your wounds

Come and see Me transform you anew

Come, please come My beloved!

Come My beloved

Come lay down that burden and allow Me to carry the load

Come sit with Me and just chat for awhile

Come and sleep in the sun

Come My beloved

Come and be refreshed

Come, it’s safe now to leave your place of refuge

Come step out into the open unafraid, for I’m right here by your side –

this is where I’ve always been and where I’ll forever be

Come My beloved

Beloved, search for the name I have for you
Chosen one, know the love I store in My heart only for you
Child, receive the great inheritance I bestow upon you
Special one, embrace all that I call you to

Come My beloved for I’m waiting for you!

Beautiful creation, once you’ve sat with Me for awhile

you will go forth unafraid, fully knowing that I am with you

so come, please come My beloved!’

Picture cred

My Soul Pants for the Lord – YouTube clip

A Refreshing Waterfall – YouTube clip

Carry Me -Rita Springer – YouTube clip 

Constant Communion Consciousenss

“Discovering our true identity is a basic need of the human heart. Until we find our identity, we will be searching for the rest of our lives for peace and fulfilment.” Bob George

The last 3 years have been tough. My inability to perform the simplest task screamed inadequacy and failure! All I could see for a long time was my worthlessness! My struggle with inability left me questioning my value. Upon reflection, I realise that I placed my value in what I could do NOT who I am.  We are so quick to label ourselves and others with hateful and hurtful labels. Satan will then come along and fan those incorrect labels into a flame that consumes us. It doesn’t matter what that label is as long as it isn’t the fact that you ARE a child of God! Unless we allow God to reveal our true identity to us we are quickly consumed by the destructive label.

“Listen to God’s voice above all others. When you know who HE says you are, it doesn’t matter who THEY say you are.” #WithoutRival Lisa Bevere

September last year I attended a Majestic Women retreat where healing was declared over my life. Not only was healing placed into my spirit but a hunger to know more about God.

November last year I attended another Majestic Women event. The speaker touched on communion. She mentioned Romans 8 and explained that we are adopted children of God. She went on to explain that there is a work happening within in us, where we will be revealed as who we were originally created to be! So, I wrote: ” I am no longer a sinner for I am a daughter of God!”.

Later she went on to talk about having communion daily. She explained that it is a symbol of desiring to be transformed from the inside out!

This concept was a complete new revelation for me! She explained that we can take communion on our own and it doesn’t have to be a piece of bread and juice, it can be our cereal and cup of tea that represent the communion elements. That opened up a whole new realm of thinking and I realized that it’s not about what I consume but why I consume.

I’ve been on journey of discovering more about God, more about this concept of daily communion and therefore more about me!

As Heidi Baker states in her book ‘Compelled By Love’: “We must, in love, empty ourselves and become poor in spirit to gain the riches of heaven and be filled with Him. The Christian life is all about union and communion.”

I sensed a deep desire within to eat the Bread of Life daily. I sensed a need to daily be cleansed afresh in Jesus’ blood.

Matthew 5:6 Amplified Bible (AMP) “Blessed [joyful, nourished by God’s goodness] are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness [those who actively seek right standing with God], for they will be [completely] satisfied.”

A great desire grew within me to be totally transformed into who God has created me to be! This is promised in 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NLT): “So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.”

“….when your identity is in Christ, your identity is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Criticism can’t change it. Failing can’t shake it. The headlines can’t ruin it. Lists can’t determine it.
When your identity is in the Rock, your identity is rock-solid. As long as God is for you, it doesn’t matter what mountain rises ahead of you. You aren’t your yesterday, you aren’t your messes, you aren’t your failures, you aren’t your brokenness.” Ann Voskamp

As I’ve embarked on this act of communion each day It has become so much more to me than a ritual and far beyond symbols of sacrifice.

Communion has become a consciousness – I’m on a journey where my identity as God’s heir is becoming my reality!

Another statement that Heidi Baker makes in her book is that “We must all be pliable in the Master’s hands. For He wants to turn you upside down in order to turn the world upside down (Acts 17:6).”

Today I desperately desire to Ignite in you a passion to know more about God and therefore more about who you really are. This will enable you to live out the great calling upon your life.

We were created to be in relationship with God – be in constant communion with Him.

God loves you more than you can ever imagine. God loved you before you even drew breath and He displayed His great love for you by sending Jesus to die upon a cross. This was God’s display of His extravagant love. But it didn’t end there! Jesus was raised from the dead so that we could join him in heaven. The Holy Spirit was sent to enable us, equip us and encourage us right now! Right in this moment God wants to grow your capacity to receive His love, which will grow your ability!

In William Paul Young’s book The Shack, the main character is chatting to Jesus, Sarayu (the Holy Sprit) and God about priority and God states: “I don’t just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of you and your day.”

God wants to be part of every moment of our lives so that each and every minute can be orchestrated by Him!

Let’s look at the main verse I reflect on, Romans 8, and some wonderful things I’ve discovered:

Why Jesus was sent: The law of Moses was unable to save us. So God did what the law could not do, he sent his own son in a body like the body we sinners have!

Jesus then became the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us! Jesus now sits in the place of honour pleading our case!

What are the results of Jesus’ great sacrifice?

There is no longer any condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus because we are freed from the power of sin that leads to death. The spirit lives within us and gives us life!

Overwhelming victory is ours through Christ!

Nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God!

We are children of God because of His spirit within us! Together with Christ we are heirs to God’s glory!
When we let the Holy Spirit control our minds it leads us to life and peace.

Romans 8 reminds us that:

  • We are chosen
  • We are called
  • We have been given right standing
  • We have been given God’s glory
  • The very same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead resides in us!

Now that last one is truly mind blowing! If we can grasp that it changes our lives!

Declare it: The very same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead resides in me!

Truly believe that powerful statement and allow it to become life altering truth!

Truly live that powerful truth and allow it to empower you to alter the world!

As Heidi Baker again states: “God calls us to be one with Him and each other. God calls all of us to love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, loving our neighbours as ourselves.”

The emblems are symbols of something very sacred!

  • Communion acknowledges what Jesus did for us on the cross.
  • Communion reminds us of our position as children of God.
  • Communion grants us an opportunity to begin to transform into the image of God – into who we were created to be!

2 Corinthians 7:1 (NLT) “Because we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear God.”

My prayer:

“Lord words cannot truly express the gratitude I have for what you’ve done for me!

Lord I thank you so much for your body which was bruised and broken for me! I declare afresh that by your stripes I have received physical healing!

Lord I thank you so much for your blood that was willingly poured out for me! That your blood cleanses me afresh today and wipes all record of sin from my life! I thank you for the cup of blessing, your precious blood, that gives me spiritual healing!

May your power fill me today afresh, transform me from the inside out to become who you have created me to be! Fill me with your resurrection spirit so that I am empowered for the work you set before me. Amen!”

At The Cross (Love Ran Red) – Chris Tomlin – YouTube lyrics & chords clip

Healer – Kari Jobe – YouTube clip

Compelled By Love – Heidi Baker -Koorong book link