Last week as I prepared for a trip to see family, I found myself increasingly harried – my to do list seemed to be growing instead of shortening, despite my best efforts to get it all done!
As I kept trying to do more I felt anxiety arise that I’d never get it all done as well as tiredness set in. I kept telling myself ‘I’ll just do this and then I’ll sit down’, but then I’d remember something else that needed doing and I’d quickly do that. There was a vicious cycle happening: doing > anxiety about the more yet to do > a need to rest > an urgency to keep doing.
It all became too much and I knew that if I had to drive soon I simply had to rest. I laid down in bed and the thoughts kept racing. I took a few deep breaths to steady my heart down and fell into a deep sleep.
I awoke feeling much better and managed to drive safely.
I look back on that day with much embarrassment at how easily I got flustered, at how readily I got anxious and snappy.
The verse that I had been declaring over my mind had been forgotten:
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
One of my favorite songs had slipped from my mind for a little while
God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You, You’re where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do
“God I Look To You” Bethel Music
Thankfully I knew that I had to listen to the promptings to rest, I simply had to admit ‘defeat’ from my to do list and rest. It’s still so hard for me to not be able to accomplish all that I long to do, it is still so hard to see how much restoration that needs to take place.
I am so grateful that as I struggled with my feelings I was reminded of this quote:
“Healing won’t take place overnight. Instead it’s an exquisite process where God peels away layer by layer. But as you heal, something profound begins to take place.” Suzie Eller
I am so grateful that I’ve got grace in my life. That my husband came home and didn’t judge me for being so harried but instead lovingly helped pack the car. I’m so encouraged that God knows me and in His amazing grace loves me still:
Psalm 139:1-6 The Passion Translation
“Lord, you know everything there is to know about me.
You’ve examined my innermost being with your loving gaze. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul,
and understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. You are so intimately aware of me, Lord, you read my heart like an open book
and you know all the words I’m about to speak
before I even start a sentence!
You know every step I will take, before my journey even begins!
You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way,
and in kindness you follow behind me
to spare me from the harm of my past.
With your hand of love upon my life,
you impart a Father’s blessing to me.
This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible!
Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength.”